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you know you’re a “hick” when….(a.k.a. as: redneck)

1. you play with your grandchild the outdoors game of horseshoes & “you” are using a toilet seat?

2. you think the last words to “The Star Spangled Banner” are: “gentlemen start your engines.”

3. its much easier if you spray weed killer on your lawn than have to mow it.

4. you got stopped by a state trooper; he asked you if you had an I.D? your response was: “bout-whhat?”

5.you think Taco-Bell is a “mexican phone company”.

6. the halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth that you do?

7. your pickup has a two tone paint job–primer red & primer gray.

8. you take a load to the dump in your pickup, and bring back more that you took down there in the first place…

9. gas cap? whtz-at ” i jest use a rag…

10. fifth grade was the best six years of your life..

11. if your wife has said “honey, come here & move this her transmission so i can take a bath”…YOU are a HICK!

12. your I.D of high quality entertainment is a 6 pack of pepsi & a bug zapper

13. your house which you currently live in, still has the “wide load” sign on the back of it…

14. you can burp & say your name at the same time? shur-nuff…

15. on your first date: you ask your dad for the keys to his tractor…

16. you always climb the water tower with a bucket of paint..to erase the last girl friends name?

17. you think fast food is hitten a possum @65mph.

18. your house donet have curtains, buy yur truck does…

19. your belt buckle weighs more than 3 pounds..

20. you think a 1/4 horse is a ride out in front of the local wal-mart?

21. you call on yer pasture fer help on skinnin yer deer?

22. I’m not late on taking down my christmas lights, I’m just early puttin em up…

23. you think possum is the other white meat…

24. you have to go outside to git something out of the “fridge”

25. you think that the stock market has a fence around it..

26. your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater

27. you stare at an orange juice container because it says: “concentrate”..

28. you carried your fishing gear, tackle & pole into “sea-world”

29. you think the blue book value of your truck goes up & down depending on how much gas it has in it….

30. you think  the 3 primary colors are: John Deere Green, Ford Blue & Primer Gray…

31. you been on tv more that 5 times describing sounds of a tornada..

32. you have flowr’s planted in the bathroom fixture in yer front yard…

33. down where you come from: reruns of Hee-Haw are called histerical documents…

34. less than 1/2 the cars you own run

35. the diploma hanging on your den wall includes: “trucking institute”

36. your wife’s hairdo has ever been caught in the ceiling fan

37. you’ve ever barbecued spam on the grill

38. plant yer flowr’s where yer dog has already done the diggin

for the church goer……

39. in your church: you learn of Jesus feeding the 5,000 & wonder if the 2 fish were bass or catfish? & what bait was used to catch em.

40. in your church: the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because of non of the members knows how to play one.

41.  your church choir is named: “OK-Chorale”

42. your church: people think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy?

43. your church: the collection plates are really hubcaps from your 56-Chevy

44. your church: when sunday school is over you are leaving due to the “duck-call”

45. your church: when the term-“Thou shalt not Covet” also applies to your huntin coon dogs too.

46. your church: the final words of the benediction are-“y’all come back now, Ya hear.”

47. your church: your pastor announces if anyone wants to go “somewheres’ after the sermon,  HE SAYS: my wife  and me are fixin to run down to the “white castle”  just down the road.

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48. Your patio furniture duals as your living room furniture

49. taking your wife on a cruise means: circling the Dairy Queen..

50. you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture

51. you think the French Riviera is a foreign car

52. the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot..

53. you’ve painted your car with house paint

54. your boat has not left the driveway in 25 years.

55. you burn your yard, rather than mow it

56. you keep flea & tick powder in the shower

57. you go to a custody fight over your huntin dog

58. you already know how many bales of hay your car will hold

59. your complete set of salad bowls say: “cool-whip” on all of them

60. your working tv sits on top of your non-working tv

61. you’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table

62. you’ve used your pet goat to “cut” the grass cause you cant find the lawn mower

63. he who laughs last probably doesnt understand the joke

64. if everything is coming your way…you’re in the wrong lane!

65. if i want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms

66. if the LORD meant for us to fly- He would of given us aluminum skin

67. if you see an onion ring…answer it!

68. she is wound up tighter than the girdle of a “Baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.

69. he fell out of the “ugly tree” and hit every branch on the way down..

70. what? the winner of the $3million dollar lottery gets: $3 for a million years…

71. you call in sick using the term: “I just have a bug today”

72. when you run out of money for your foodstamps? get cache

for the computer experts….

73. whats digital? the art of counting on your fingers

74. the keyboard is know for: hanging the keys to the John Deere

75. the mouse -pad your thinking of checking out is where mickey and minnie live

76. what you do when your grass & weeds get to tall? modem

77. if you think that the screen is where the skeeters  are kept off the porch

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78. you let your brother bard your pick-up truck

79. your brother tell you “if you dont get back to work-your fard”

80. while at the gas station you go to pay you money for the pump: comes to $15.63 ( you hand a $20 bill and 63 cents & the employee slides it back right back to ya cause you got all you need right here with the $20…. (they say) after sliding back and forth several times you let them win)

more computer….

81. your email address ends in: “over.yonder.com”

82. your bumper sticker says My other computer is a laptop

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83. your spell checker knows words like: reckon, yonder, y’all

84. for a game with your grand-child: you use empty water bottles for the pins, and a small beach ball as the bowling  ball

85. your planter boxes are made from old amunition boxes….

86. the tree which has grown thru the floor of your house has produced fruit & ready to be picked..

87. your neighbor tells you that your dog which is tied to the clothes-line outside by a rope has “got gone….”

88. your garden is grown in a bathtub in your back yard…

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